Febuary 2011

Valentines Day is 14th February
This month I’m looking at ways to strenghten your relationship bond…

Love; Cherishes life and the people and things in it. Love appreciates, It recognises the value in relationships and the importance of connections in our lives. Love seeks companionship and knows how to share, It bonds and securely connects hearts to one another. Love knows no judgment, feels no remorse, and knows no boundaries. Love has a life of its own. It lives on long after a physical life has ended. Robin MC Knight.

The following information is taken from my relationship ebook, Creating… healthy relationships ©.
It is part of a personal breakthrough package.
It will be available soon!

7 steps to strengthen your relationship bond

Step 1
Make it a goal to understand your partner on a deeper level.
What are your partners needs and desires?
What is important to your partner about love?
What are your partners boundaries?

* Mel’s tips: Timing is important when finding out about your partner on a deeper level.
Whilst sometimes there is a perfect opportunity to ask a direct question, at other times it pays to be less direct.. for eg: getting your partners views on topics that may be covered in films, TV, books and magazines etc.. can give you and insight to their needs, desires and what is important to them. You can then learn about their core beliefs and values about certain things, by asking them what their opinion is.

Step 2
Make your partner a priority in your life.
How can you meet more of your partners needs?
How can you demonstrate that you have your partners best interests at heart?
How can you give make yourself more available to your partner?

* Mel’s tips: If your a man “man up” and treat your partner like a lady, be protective and look out for her, help her out and check in with her daily, even if it is just a simple text to ask how she is… show you care! If your a woman it’s good to be independent but don’t forget to be supportive of your man and gently encourage him to help you out now and again, show your gratitude when he’s being loving and looking out for you, and return the love in ways he will appreciate.
In any type of relationship – show your partner that their important to you!

Step 3
Make it a goal to make the most of your time together.
Do you turn towards your partner with positive bids of affection?
Do you make frequent positive bids of affection?
Do you do spend your time together doing things that you both enjoy?

* Mel’s tips: Regularly turn towards your partner with warmth, love and humour. If they do happen to catch you at a stressful moment and you have reacted defensively or have been a bit snappy with them, aknowlede this and make up for it. Snap out of moods quickly by simply letting things go, make the most of your time together by having fun and being loving and understanding.

Step 4
Be more forgiving
How can you be less hard on yourself?
How can you be less hard on your partner?
What will it take for you to let this go, to leave it in the past and enjoy your current reality?

Mel’s tips: Allow yourself to see past seeming errors, mistakes, and misunderstandings and see love.
Aknowlede the truth and work on a solution and resolution.
Respect your partners reasons and choices.

Step 6
Create Harmony
Do you think that your parter should know when you need their help or support?
Do you notice when your partner needs help and support?
What will you do to create more harmony?

Mel’s tips: Become more aware of the balance within your relationship, notice when it is your turn to give a bit more, receive gracefully and show gratitude and appreciation. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader speak up, just ask them nicely if you need their help or support with something.

Step 7
Be congrugent
Are you behaving in ways that support and reflect your inner truth?
Are you behaving in ways that support your relationship goals as a couple?
How will you embrace the truth at times when you have inner conflict?

Mel’s tips: Work with what is real at any given moment, do not dwell on bad feelings instead look at your options and alternatives. Find solutions and recognise new perspectives and understandings.

Have a lovely Valentines day,
Melanie Rivera.

"Love is in the air"

January 2011

“Happy 2011 to everyone”

Okay now I could ramble on about setting new years resolutions and write out loads of tips on how I think you can achieve all your heart desires in 2011… But I’m not going to!!!

Why you might ask, since I am in the field of self development and surely that is what you might be expecting me to come up with in January.

Step 1

Grab a note pad and pen because I am going to ask you some questions that may inspire you, Please write down your answers as specifically as possible.

Q1: What stopped you from achieving what you wanted to achieve last year?
Q2: If you could remove one thing from your life what would it be?
Q3: Looking back over the years, is there anything that keeps becoming a repetitive issue or problem?
Q4: Write down the one thing that you are avoiding writing down now!
　
Cover and put your answers to step one to one side for now. Get a fresh page of paper ready as you will need it for Step 3 in a moment.

Step 2

Clear your mind and take a few moments to relax, allow your mind to be calm and still. Any racing thoughts or deep dwelling on anything in particular drifts away now.
Your fully aware of your essence at this present time… , enjoy still and calm… Love this feeling of the real peaceful you that is you and transcends through you.

Step 3

Pick up your pen and fresh sheet of paper…

Write down 2-3 recent moments when you have really been aware of your true sense of self . By this I mean moments when you have naturally been utroubled by anything. Its those moments that are so natural and even if you were in the midst of a tornado a strong sense of you overrides anything, you are just so congruently you. You feel a warm glow and a real sense of contentment with who you are… Its like you can concur the world!

Step 4

Go back to the answers you wrote to the questions in step 1.

Ask yourself the following questions and jot down your positive and productive answers on a fresh sheet of paper…

Q1: Can I change or ethically control any of this? If so what thoughts and behaviour will I embody?
Q2: Can I improve any of this? If so what thoughts and behaviour will I embody?
Q3: How can I be the change I want to see?

Once you have your answers destroy the answers you wrote out in step 1, keeping only your positive answers from step 4.

My tips for 2011 -

Surround yourself with people, things and situations that enhance who you really are. Enjoy and celebrate who you are and see your life unfold in ways you may never have dreamed possible. I believe that it is good to have direction and focus in life because it keeps us steered on the right path towards our dreams.
However I think it is primarily important to not loose sight of who you are, it is this awareness that allows us to achieve many things!

Here’s to a fantastic 2011,

Mel

December 2010

” Merry Christmas”

Wishing everyone a fantastic Christmas, filled with Joy, love and laughter

Today I am raising a toast to everyone…
Best wishes for a lovely day tomorrow and for an amazing 2011.
I will be back in the New year with some great motivational tips to get your new year off to a flying start!

Melanie Rivera. x

Monthly Catch up… Living in the moment!

Whenever my life is running particularly smoothly and I have a real sense of happiness and fulfilment, I have often asked myself…

What is it exactly that I am doing now that is different to times when things are not running quite as well?

Usually I can put it down to a combination of things, However one of the main things that I always notice at these times when I’m particularly at my best is that I am really “living in the moment”.

When I say “living in the moment” I mean that I am really getting the best out of each moment, hour/day. I deal with things when they come up and forget about time. I really absorb myself fully into what I am doing to the point where I’m doing what I am doing so effortlessly. I seem to feel a great sense of satisfaction in what I am doing I feel congruent and in rapport with my surroundings without really thinking about it, at these times I feel like I am truly alive and am really at my best.

I have found that by really tapping into these good feelings at times when they naturally arise, I can intensify them to what ever level I want. The energy I have when I do this is unreal, I could literally build a house
Now it is possible to get too silly and I have been known to annoy my kids by singing daft songs to them or to simply burn myself out by over focusing on one thing… However I have found the most productive way to get the best from these times is to become moderately aware of the good feelings and intensify them by infusing really good thoughts and ideas about things. I then use the energy in a very balanced way without becoming overly absorbed on just one thing.

I stay in the moment and make a note of any good ideas, thoughts and inspirations that crop up. I am fully aware of other things and people that need my attention and turn towards whatever or whoever it is, I purposely tune into things and give them my full attention. My energy seems to effortlessly flow and expand and I feel amazing!

I believe that if we do get a little sluggish and and feel a bit weighed down, one of the possible reasons can be that we have become too engrossed in just one area of our life and lost the magic of living in the moment. In effect we close our selfs off and are less aware of other things that we could be getting great pleasure from.

My tip is this… become aware of all the areas of your life! Balance time out a bit more and “live in the moment” , really enjoy every second of what you are doing. If your feeling bored of what your doing try a new way of doing it or change it so that you can really appreciate it. When you do feel energised and are really loving what you are doing, really enjoy the moment more and more. Keep a good perspective and let that energy spread to other areas of your life, begin to notice these natural times more and more often in more ways than one!

For me living in the moment does not have to mean never making any plans, I believe that some of my best plans have been arranged when I’m fully in the moment. I have seized an opportunity to make some really good plans that I may not have made had I not been really “in the moment”… I find that I act on plans sooner and get much more done in a day too. My other tip to help with not becoming too absorbed in one thing is to know what you want to get done on a daily basis. For eg.. While I’m having a coffee on a morning or on an evening before bed I will run through tasks or things that I want to fit into my day. Instead of having a strict schedual I just seize opportunities throughout the day to act on the things that I intended to do. Even when I loose track of time because I am so enjoying each moment, subconsciously my timing of doing things naturally balances out and I do things in a timely manner. I’ts these times when I get everything I wanted to do done with seemingly very little effort.

I have sometimes been so in tune when this happens that I know the time without looking at my watch. If I do look at my watch and my timing is spot on it really adds to the amazing feelings

Best Wishes,
Melanie Rivera.

Trick or Treat?

Halloween is comming up… most children get incredibly excited when events come around, I know mine do.

I was asking my boys what would they like to get dressed up as this year, I listened to them full of excitement both fighting to be heard at the same time. I began to think back to a time when I was younger and remembered how excited I was getting my witches outfit on to go trick or treating.

When my memory is triggered like this I can remember every thing so clearly almost like it was yesterday. It really brought all the innocence and magic back to me of being a kid.

It got me thinking about how busy life is and how focused I can be on the more mundane adult tasks that have to be done. Sometimes when other areas of our life are busy it is so easy to just go through the motions of events like Halloween and just do what we have to do for the kids.

So I decided to get a bit more involved this year! I have arranged a Halloween party and some of my family are coming to visit us from Yorkshire.

I said to them that the dress code for our halloween party is strictly fancy dress and that includes the adults too.

My boys are really excited now, and I have to be honest I can’t wait too!

We will be choosing our outfits next week

Children grow up so fast probably too fast these days, I think it is so important to slow down, get on their wave length and be a kid ourselves from time to time. It’s great bonding time and a brilliant way to ease the stress of adult life.

Best Wishes,

Melanie.

September 2010

Autumn is on it’s way..

Hot summer days are beginning to be replaced with a damper and more crisp climate.

Personally I love it when the season first begins to change, for me it usually sparks a change in my thinking too!

Around this time of year every year I begin to focus on my life and look at where I’m heading.

Recently I have been detoxing my body and cutting back on the things that can affect my energy levels.

As the darker mornings approach.. I want to ensure that I kick start my body into new habits and routines that will give me a boost and keep me on top of things like the school run and achieving my deadlines / goals on time.

I’m a November baby, so my birthday is only around the corner. As soon as I start to see the halloween pumpkins and stuff for sale in the shops it reminds me that I am almost another year older!

A time for reflection… I review all the things that I set out to do and think about resolutions and goals I set for myself earlier in the year.

I more become more aware of the things that I need to improve on and of any habits or patterns that need to be changed.

Once I have identified these things I put together a new plan of action and decide how I am going to do things differently. This usually means changing my focus and directing my energy and attention towards the things that will bring me the outcome I desire… thats the exciting bit!

The challenge for me then is to keep repeating my new thoughts and behaviour so that it becomes natural and habitual. Self hypnosis and positive affirmations really help me with this. Eventually as time passes I realise that the old habits have gone and been replaced by something wonderful.

Have a fabulous Autumn

PS: This months agony aunt blog is on its way!

Best Wishes,

Melanie Rivera.

I’m still here!!!

Hello All…
My regular catch up is well overdue. Things have been a little hectic the last couple of months to say the least, however we are now well into August and I have some new Agony aunt blogs to post on here very soon. I have selected a few blogs that I think are interesting topics and are close to my heart. I’m sure you will find my responses helpful, insightful and informative
Thank you for your personal messages regarding my website I will respond asap, your patience is appreciated
Best Wishes,
Melanie.

“It was a wet n wild weekend!”

Good Morning…
I did say I would keep you posted about my new packages that I am writing and recording. I am very excited to say that the one on high self-esteem is well on its way to being compleated. I was hoping to get the full set complete by December, although I don’t want to rush them. Realistically I’m thinking early next year for the whole set to be finished and available for purchase.

What a fabulous weekend!…

I hope you had a great weekend
I think spontaneous fun is so theraputic.  A few weekends ago I had a fun, and unpredictable day/night out with my boyfriend and kids. What started out as a usual saturday morning – catching up on washing.. etc, turned into a bit of an adventure when we decided to walk down the beach. It was another hot day and we all set off towards Bournemouth park and planned to head back home for lunch. We actually got home at 8pm after a totally unpredictable fun packed day on the beach which ended with dinner whilst being entertained by the live volley ball tournament, it was complete with music and live commentary from the DJ.
I vowed to spend more days like that with less planning and more adventure.
Well this weekend was another scorcher and also very unpredictable. Yesterday I set off in my car to meet my boyfriend from work to go to his sisters barbeque. I woke up this morning to wake my kids for school with a bit of a hangover, remembering that I had to pick my car up. What started out as a civilised barbeque, adults chatting and kids playing… turned into a massive water fight with not a dry body in sight!
spontaneous summer fun, don’t you just love it

My latest agony aunt blog is ready to be viewed.

Chat Soon,
Mel.

“It was a wet n wild weekend!”

Good Morning…

I did say I would keep you posted about my new packages that I am writing and recording. I am very excited to say that the one on high self esteem is well on its way to being completed. I was hoping to get the full set complete by December, although I don’t want to rush them. Realistically I’m thinking early next year for the whole set to be finished and available for purchase. I will keep you updated on how there shaping up and let you know when there almost ready.

What a fabulous weekend! …

Hope you had a great one

I think spontaneous fun is so therapeutic. A few weekends ago I had a fun, and unpredictable day/night out with my boyfriend and kids. What started out as a usual Saturday morning – catching up on washing.. etc, turned into a bit of an adventure when we decided to walk down the beach. It was another hot day and we all set off towards Bournemouth park . We had planned to head back home for lunch. We actually got home at 8pm after a totally unpredictable fun packed day on the beach which ended with dinner on the beach whilst being entertained by the live volley ball tournament, it was complete with music and live commentary from the DJ.

I vowed to spend more days like that with less planning and more adventure.

Well this weekend was another scorcher and also very unpredictable. Yesterday I set off in my car to meet my boyfriend from work to go to his sisters barbeque. I woke up this morning to wake my kids for school with a bit of a hangover, remembering that I had to pick my car up. What started out as a civilised barbeque, adults chatting and kids playing… turned into a massive water fight with not a dry body in sight!

Spontaneous summer fun, don’t you just love it

My latest agony aunt blog is ready to be viewed.

Chat Soon,
Mel.

“Hello… Catch up time!”

 … Hope your all ok,  Thought I would catch up and say hello!

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post, I’ve been busy with the usual stuff,  household duties and entertaining the kids on school hols  :-)

Just getting back into a routine  now as they  have just gone back to school this week.

My current focus is on my writing and research. I welcome all your agony aunt blogs relating to any problem / issue you may have.  As usual I will regularly select a topic and cover it using an NLP, Hypnotherapy and a bit of my own knowledge and  life experience thrown in there too!

Please note that my blog offers free advice with some really useful tips and ideas.  I am also available for private sessions which cover more ground and intensify and reinforce  results at a much deeper subconscious level.

Hope you all enjoy the coming weekend… I’m going to a wedding which I am very much looking forward to

I will be posting more agony aunt blogs soon!

Best Wishes,

Mel.

Its so hot!

Loving the sunshine!!!
I’m feeling quite proud of myself, I have walked my boys to school twice this week!
I really like it, of course it does help when the weather is good but I plan to do it more often. It is a great way to destress and bond with the kids.
It beats sitting in traffic any day… well except a cold rainy one
My boys had big smiles on their faces and we were all in good spirits when we got to school
Thankyou for your Agony Aunt blogs, I will post more next week and I have just posted one on there now.

Hope you all have a fab weekend,
Mel.